Saturday, July 21, 2012

Until It Wasn't

I lived in the same house on the same street for 27 years. I moved 1300 miles away from my family, friends and everything familiar when I got married. I had no idea how hard it would be to be so far away from everyone I loved, everything I had know for my whole life. I knew God had orchestrated me finding my husband and us getting married, so I knew He was paving a way for me to feel loved and accepted so far from home. And He did, in the form of a church that was not made of brick or mortar, but of people that became my family.

When we joined LFC as a family of 5 we were immediately accepted and loved. We became part of a family of believers that were doing life together. We immersed ourselves in ministry and began growing spiritually. It was not easy when the pastor resigned a few months after we joined and the search for a new pastor began. Half of the church left when the pastor did, but we stayed and persevered with those we had grown to love and believed that God was doing a great thing and He was and He did.

When the new pastor was ushered in, more change came about and we got a new location, new members and a new name. But, LHC continued to be a place to meet more people, express and feel more love and see growth in ourselves and our children. We again became involved in ministry and gained more family.

After 3 years of serving at LHC, God impressed on us that it was time to move back to MD, so that my husband could join my father in the family business. Even though, I knew the move was necessary, I did not like it. Selfishly, I wanted to stay because I had grown to love our church family so much. I knew that I had never experienced what we were experiencing at LHC anywhere else and I was afraid of never experiencing that again. These people were helping me raise my children, strengthen my marriage and change my life. I couldn't imagine leaving and yet we did and were back on the east coast in the summer of 2006.

Much as I had when I first left and got married, I felt such loss when I arrived back in my hometown, on the same street, in the same house. I was overwhelmingly sad and struggled with having to go find a new place to worship. I was convinced that nothing was ever going to be like LHC, that there weren't people that would feel like family here and that we would not be able to find a place to worship and minister like we had before. And when our search began it felt like I was right. Nothing felt the same. Nothing felt like home.

Until we visited LHC in MD. The first time we walked through the doors it was like coming home. We felt loved and accepted and at peace. I had been sure we would never feel like we had at LHC in TX and yet we had found a place where we felt like family. And it was lovely.

We opened ourselves up to the members of LHC and began to minister again. We found hope and encouragement when our son went wayward, when our daughter chose to move back home and when my husband lost not one, but two jobs. We started to serve on staff and became part of the visionaries that saw a church on the move and with a future. The pastor and his family became, not just our friends, but our family. We couldn't see ourselves serving or worshiping anywhere else ever. And it was good.

Until it wasn't. The church was growing and was in need of expansion and a new building was sought out, a new plan for a new vision was being birthed and with it came pride and destruction. We began to have our loyalty questioned and to be shirked from the very people we trusted to lead us and guide us. It became about money and numbers and not ministry and spiritual growth. We wrestled with the fact that we would have to leave, our hearts broken and our lives unraveling. So, we stayed when we felt like God was telling us to and we came under more persecution and despair. Then after a long year of questioning and doubting we felt God release us to move on from LHC, so we did.

And it was hard, so very hard. I cried each night for months before we made the final decision to leave and months after we left, so heartbroken, by having to leave and by the way we were being treated by the pastor and his wife when we left. And that is not right. It was not okay for us to be ignored and mistreated by the very people that were called to love and lead us. Personal or not, a pastor is a shepherd and if his sheep leave he should seek to know why and to ease the hurt and pain and to lead by example on how to treat those that have moved on from the fold. But, he didn't and his wife didn't and we were not the first that were dismissed so rudely or abruptly. It had happened before us and has happened after us. And I think that makes me the most sad. That in a place where this should not be happening, it is happening on a regular basis.

And it still hurts. When I was deleted by them on Facebook, it hurt. When I see comments they make on others' statuses, it still hurts. It really hurts. But, I also know that that is not the way that The Church works even if some of those that are a part of the church choose to act that way.  

We have found another place to worship and are slowing finding friends that are becoming like family. It has not been easy and we have been cautious, but God is a God of redemption and a Healer of broken hearts. He is redeeming us and healing our hearts and lives. For that we are thankful and know that He will guide us and allow us to minister again.

In all of this, we need to be reminded that God is the only One who loves perfectly and without fail. We are all broken people trying our best to live life together. And a pastor is not to be valued more than Jesus. He is a front runner for the One who will come and call us home. As we wait, we are going to try to live a life that would honor Him with others wanting to do the same.

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